It's been awhile since I wrote a long, winding post - I've honestly been too busy to write. The only reason why I have taken the time now is because Chuck and I have been told that 'things need clarified' between us and the world.

We aren't exactly sure what needs clarifying, as we thought we had been pretty clear in our video last summer - but maybe something simpler is needed?

Anyways.

There are some people out there who are pretty unhappy that I'm still living with my son's father. They feel as though he should have tossed me to the curb once he found out I was gay, and some even seem convinced that he and Liam would be better off living with his parents instead of with me.

There are also those who feel as though he's living with me still only because he's hanging onto the marriage we once had, someone who had the audacity to say we weren't being fair to liam by not giving him the 'normal divorced child's experience of crying himself to sleep each night' (projecting much?) and then there are other's that seem set on spreading a narrative that stars me as a selfish and manipulative bitch that's keeping him trapped here.

At first I found it funny. Now, it's tiresome.

I'm tired of midnight phone calls from restricted numbers, of thinly veiled insulting messages, of hearing parts of our life story gossiped about under the guise of 'prayer requests', and tired and of the hypocrisy of people who can't even acknowledge that I exist - but feel as though they should have a say regarding how I exist.

Everyone has always had their two cents to say about Chuck and I, and that started long before we started dating.

We've been best friends since the end of elementary school, and that alone defied the social norms at the time because of our being opposite genders. We didn't let it deter us, even when we had more rules and scrutiny on us compared to the rest of our friends.

We knew we didn't have crushes on one another, though a lot of our family and friends assumed that we had to because we enjoyed long conversations on the phone.

We just wanted to be left alone to talk about books and music, to watch people and to play pranks with other friends - but because of us giving off 'the temptation of evil', adults (even those who weren't family) criticized us no matter what we did. And we just rolled with it, because he didn't have much in common with the boys his age and I struggled having friendships with girls (thanks, comphet).

It was during this time that we were both being fed purity culture nonsense and handed toxic relationship advice - weekly study groups on books like Every Young Mans Battle and I Kissed Dating Goodbye, participating in true love waits and purity pledges as teenagers.

It eventually came down to us having to decide if we wanted to pursue relationships with other people or continue our friendship, as it was taught that opposite genders couldn't be close friends unless they were courting.

In middle school, we decided during a phone conversation that we were actually in love and would get married one day. We had already planned on being each other's best woman/man of honor, so we laughed at how easy it was to upgrade ourselves to bride and groom.

We wanted it to work, and we tried to fulfill the roles set upon us for far longer then either of us felt comfortable doing so - aiming to have the perfect godly relationship. By aspiring to be the 'ideal family', we had a life script to plan from (along with plenty of religious retreats, materials and 'counselors' as guides) - so we knew we could be successful at making it work.

The catch? Making it work made each of us miserable. The only times we got along was when we weren't trying to be romantic with the other, which made each of us feel guilty and try even harder - running around and getting nowhere.

Watching one another become more miserable and not being able to help made us feel even worse, and it took both of us falling for other people to understand how miserable we had become ourselves.

Miserable people make for miserable marriages, miserable marriages make for miserable families, miserable families make for miserable children - but children don't deserve misery.

So, we decided to not be miserable anymore, and it was the HARDEST thing to do.

It meant changing the status quo, it meant being vulnerable, it meant putting everything on the line and it meant doing things that we hadn't planned for ourselves. Nothing we've done, we've done lightly. This just isn't our lives - it's our son's, too.

And in return, people want us to feel miserable for not being miserable over choosing to not feel miserable in our lives anymore....but think WE are the ones who have a problem?

We're actually happier and better off than ever, but some people seem to be offended at how this could be. We did our share of self reflecting and healing, couples therapy, paperwork and all the other things that responsible parents do as they navigate all the changes that life can bring. We learned to communicate, work together and not be afraid of doing things differently than normal.

We are happy with the choices we have made, both as individuals and together as co parents.

For us, that means we stopped following the script the church - and our families - set out for us years ago.

We don't need to be under two separate roofs in order to have a 'healthy' relationship, we don't need to dislike the other in order to 'move on' with someone else, and we don't need to limit the time between which parent our child gets to be with - just because that's what everyone else does.

We didn't follow social norms growing up, and we aren't going to follow them now.

That doesn't mean we're always planning to live under the same roof, because we aren't set on that. We have talked about buying a duplex or perhaps neighboring condo units, maybe even a big farmhouse with large shared living spaces for plenty of friends to live.

We aren't in a rush to do so anytime soon though - as a matter of fact, I've started settjng aside money for a campervan, and right before the pandemic hit, we refinanced the house. The timing worked out well, because we were able to use the 'free time' we had last year in quarantine doing various remodeling projects. Sure, it'll be great when we decide to list the house in the future; but for now, it's great just to enjoy living in a space that feels like 'us' for the first time.

Us splitting up was never about replacing one other but instead, allowing each other the freedom to pursue the lives that we want.

Our dynamic hasn't affected the relationships we've had - we aren't holding each other back romantically, and the people we've dated don't mind us living in the same house. Our 'living arrangements' flowed flawlessly into quarantine life, unlike a lot of other divorcees we saw. And honestly, living with your best friend during a pandemic is the way to go. People from chucks office have even asked how we have been so happy stuck at home during quarantine - he'd joke that someone just has to come out as gay.

This isn't us making the best of what could be an awkward situation, or grinning and bearing the discomfort of our mistakes. It's about doing what we want with the lives we have, and providing different and better opportunities for Liam. It doesn't matter us being straight or gay - what matters is that we love each other and support one another, and that's what makes up our family.

Our generation is experiencing the fallout of the radical teachings we'd been taught, and every day more I see more stories being shared online from people who are walking in similar shoes to us and who are paving their own paths. Who knows - maybe we'll each find someone with similar family structures, and then we can take being 'a sitcom family' to a crazy new level.

At the end of the day, we don't view us not being together as being a broken family - quite the opposite. We chose to expand our family, instead of splitting it down the middle.

Family isn't just blood, and both of us feel as though it shouldn't be limited by roles that societies have put in place. Family is also about support, acceptance, comfort and growth - as are ALL healthy relationships.

Even though we aren't romantically involved and don't aspire to be in any way shape or form (and not only because I'm gay), it doesn't mean that we are using one another for narcissistic purposes, or that we are codependent on the other. Just because it's not a life you can see for yourself, doesn't mean you have to insult it - and honestly, we don't care that you 'just can't understand why' at this point.

View us however you want, either as best friends or pseudo siblings, coparents, not-spouses, housemates, partners in activism, chef/maid team, or a former 2nd grade teaching duo. We also share a strong resemblance to Daggett and Norbet from the tv show Angry Beavers, so if you prefer something animated, we have you covered there too. We just ask that you stop making us into something that we aren't - and that we don't want to be.

Our hope for you after having read this saga is that everyone understands that we aren't being held hostage and that when we said nothing changed for us as family going forward last year - we meant exactly that.

If you are going to insist on treating anyone in our family differently, then that's the decision you have chosen to make - just like it's ours if we choose not to have you in our lives because of it.

P.S: just in case we didn't provide enough 'clarification', here's some memes and infographics to help where words (and video) apparently couldn't. #livingthesitcomlife